Those That You Trust – and im thinking that i have issues

Look around you. In this room of people that you have known for years, who can you name that is close to you?

I know I’ve been pretty hung up on relationships and bonds lately, but it’s the everyday occurrences that causes the thoughts to pop out in my mind.

Truthfully, I myself have very, very few people I consider as ‘friends’. It’s not exactly because of  a lack of connections, though that counts for quiet a bit, but I think it’s a matter of labels.

What you label as ‘friends’, the same bond tying me to someone else I’d very likely call them ‘acquaintances’, or maybe just ‘people I know’. It’s a matter of opinion.

Of those people I label as friends, they are truly special, because I gotta admit, I’m a selfish person. I only give as much as I get. So those that have earned my loyalty, my protectiveness, my respect, my friendship (because it covers so much more than 10 letters), they have showed me patience, they have showed me kindness, they have showed me understanding, and most of all, they have showed me acceptance.

I know, have known for quite some time, that I’m a hard person to get along with, nevermind genuinely like, but that didn’t stop them, and that is why, I won’t let them go. I’ll hold on so tight, that I’m always worried that I’d suffocate them, and then they’d run away from me.

It’s not really a lack of trust – I’d happily jump off a building if I know that they are the ones who will catch me, or maybe it is, I don’t know. I wished that I won’t need constant reassurance, but that fear of eventual rejection lingers still. I hope that, one day, I would be able to annoy them to wits’ end, and be completely sure that they won’t turn their backs. One day.

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