Asking for Perfection – and i can but i cant

Authority is earned, this I agree with. Even if you are capable, how are people to know if you never showcase it? How would you earn a place or position that you want if you won’t prove that you can? What’s keeping you back from doing it?

It’s something I keep telling myself, and keep ignoring. Alright, maybe I think that I can do a good job on a particular task that suits my skill set, but how can I take up on it when I almost never participate in other things?

Being a wallflower with thoughts that are entire unsuitable (haha, no I’m serious) is… confusing, and at times downright frustrating, for myself and others around me. Firstly, because you will be torn on what action to take, obviously. Secondly, your peers will be wondering what are you of all people doing here? Not to mention, the voice in my mind telling me to make up your mind and choose, dammit! You know you can do it! and my inherent laziness  (we’ve established that somewhat, didn’t we?) yelling NO! .

I like things perfect, but I’ve already made it clear with myself that not everything’s perfect. So then, I adapted to only wanting things that are mine perfect, or as close to it that I can get. I’m pretty obsessed with it, I think, because when my things aren’t up to standards, I get frazzled. Then I get upset. The I get disagreeable. Then I get angry, and I really don’t like being angry.


As to not leave any chance of me getting extremely disagreeable (and you don’t want that, trust me), I tend not to take up the task of doing something. It’s all out or not at all, and if something will be holding me from going all-out, then I get disagreeable. Easy to understand, easy to avoid. Simple logic.

And, even easier to be translated into unsociable, but that’s an entirely different box of nastiness on a whole other level of personality flaw backlash, but, oh well.


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